Long time no see. I’ve been absent for a couple of months, completely unexpected, for a few different reasons. The chaos that entered my life almost half a year ago still plays a great roll in devouring my time, but I can’t blame it wholly for why I’ve been away.
The real reason I’ve been away, the reason I didn’t write even with the limited time I had available to do so, was I had no desire to write or blog or do anything.
Depression has been a companion of mine for most of my life. There are times that are darker than others. As a teenager, there were a few times where I walked the razor’s edge of suicide. Gun in hand, loaded and pointed, but thankfully the trigger stayed still.
Those were really dark days.
I’ve had many ups and downs in the years since, but honestly the days have been darker lately. I talked to a counselor a few months ago, and she said that was to be expected at my age. If one has dealt with chronic depression, when you reach my age things get harder to deal with on your own. I have started medication, natural – I don’t believe that the market anti-depressants actually help, but I’m not a doctor – but there is something else that holds me during those dark moments and brings me out of them.
Just as the song says repeatedly, there’s a hope in front of me, there’s a light – I still see it.
For me, that light is Jesus. Sometimes, he’s the only one who can bring me through the day. But, he has never left me alone. He holds me in the darkest times, and he brings me back into the light. Time and time again, he never fails me.
Oh, believe me, there are times where I wonder if he’s there. The pressing of the darkness feels so heavy, and I feel so alone, but he has never failed to let me know that he is right there with me.
I’m not claiming Jesus is the cure-all for depression. I will never tell you to “just trust in Jesus and he’ll make all your dark days go away”. It doesn’t work like that. He’s not a pill that you pop and your serotonin will magically rise.
He’s a person that will always be there with you through it, though. I can say that if you do trust in him, he will never leave you alone to battle it on your own.
I can tell you that on days where I haven’t had the strength to raise my head, to begin to try and “train my mind” on positive and encouraging things like any good doctor will tell you to do, he’s held me. He’s lifted my face toward the light. He has been the constant hope that refuses to be snuffed out in my mind and in my heart.
And even though the days feel darker now than my worst times as a teen, I’ve not stepped near that razor’s edge. Not once.
So, why am I telling you all of this? Yes, one reason is to say why I’ve been away for so long. But another reason is that there are so many of us, far too many, who battle the dragon of depression. Day in and day out. And most of us do it all alone.
You don’t have to battle it alone. Yes, seek professional medical help. Yes, there are medications that actually do work – don’t ignore all of them (but be very discerning when choosing what you put into your body).
But, there is a Hope. That hope is a person and He shines brighter than the sun. He’s not a cure, but he is someone who will walk with you through every dip, every chasm, and he’ll never let go.
And the one thing we absolutely need in our battle against depression, is to never be alone.
Depression is a real monster in our lives. If you battle it, tell me about it. You can contact me through email, the link is below, or you can leave a comment. I’m not a doctor, and I will never claim to replace their advice. However, it does do a great deal of good to know you don’t walk alone.
You are never alone.
There is Hope.
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