Day 13 – Writing 101: The title of today’s post may confuse you. You’re probably wondering where Part 1 to “An Exercise in Being Found” is. You won’t find it. Day 13 asks us to continue our thoughts from our post on Day 4 where we talked about loss. It was to be the first part in a series of three. This time, though, we are to write about finding something. So, it is a “Part 2” of the post here, but it is its own story also. Sorry for the confusion.
Seven months after we made the move for the job with more to offer we were still feeling the bite from the chaos that preceded. We still had our mortgage from our previous house and it was working in collusion with our new place’s rent to make our finances extinct. Worry and panic did not invade our lives this time. The fortified wall of recent memory of God’s action in our lives stood strong and impregnable.
And just when the squeeze started to make its first crack in that memory wall, the house sold.
Life was good. God was good. My job was good. All. Was. Good.
Until it wasn’t.
I began to notice familiar signs at my work. Signs that told me things weren’t as copacetic as management kept telling us. One moment our site manager told us we had nothing to worry about, the next moment I overheard him on the phone planning with someone the best ways they could utilize our office space.
I had that sinking feeling. This was stronger than the squeezing feeling when we battled the financial monsters I just mentioned. You see, that was a long time ago. It was at least 3 or 4 months.
Thankfully, God isn’t as fickle as I am. Just when the water filled the bow of the ship, another opportunity presented itself. This time, we didn’t have to move. Again, life was good.
Three years passed by faster than I like, but they were good years. A son joined our family. The normal highs and lows flowed with expected frequency. I finally finished school and obtained a Bachelor’s and a Master’s. A lifelong dream for both my wife and I came to a painful end.
And those old familiar signs were showing up at work again. Frequent “All hands” meetings were held to discuss business. Pizza was given to us while we waited and the atmosphere was loose and jovial.
A week after the first meeting, half of the employees were laid off. The second meeting was held. Pizza was eaten. We were told we were the “core of the company”. A week later, another batch of employees were let go.
This same process continued for another 3 or 4 meetings over the span of a year. I began to dislike pizza and wondered if I was part of a radioactive core in the company. My half life was quickly ebbing away.
I didn’t survive the dwindling of the core. No one did. And that wall of impregnable memory of what God had done in our lives lay in ruin.
I worried. I fretted. I questioned God’s faithfulness.
I didn’t see that he was building the wall back up again. Little by little with the things he was doing on a daily basis, the wall went up and my worry and fret were held at bay. For four months I was without a job. For four months I questioned if another move was needed while I scoured for work locally. For four months, I didn’t notice how God sustained us. He met our needs and provided above and beyond our prayers. We never lacked for anything. Our emergency finances weren’t touched.
God proved faithful again despite my fickle faith. I discovered something that I had known before, but never really allowed to penetrate my thinking:
God is faithful, the world is not. A lot of bad things happen in this world, but He is always good.
I am not one to say that I believe all that happened to us was really that bad. There is far worse evil in this world. I only mention these small things in our lives to show that things happen in this world that are far from what we would like, and I’m not one to believe that God causes them to happen just to make me grow.
Yes, I believe God is sovereign. No, I don’t believe he causes all the good and bad to happen in my life. But, that’s a deep subject for another discussion.
What I discovered, though, is that despite the bad in my life and despite my fickle faith, God has always been faithful. He has never forsaken me. He has always been right there with me, walking through it with me, even in the hardest times that I haven’t even talked about, yet.
I found God faithful. Always faithful. He always will be.